I know I loved you because I wrote about you.
You once told me your ways to be creative
but I couldn’t follow your ways.
I filled a whole notebook just with the pain you caused.
It’s the kind of sadness that you think wont go away
but it will after a few drinks and a few sleepless nights.
And I thought about you today; it broke my heart
but what broke my heart wasn’t you
it was the idea that I let you make me feel that bad.
Maybe it’s because I’ve finally grown the fuck up
maybe it’s because I let the pain go away
or maybe it’s because I still care about you
but my worth souldn’t be held in someone else’s hands
and I learned that a few months ago.
I’m sorry to my heart for breaking it wanting you
and it’s in moments like this one
when I start to think
“is there anything I do that doesnt push people away?”
but I need a few more drinks to talk about that
so I’ll leave it one for another day.